After the birth of our son I had the pleasure to enjoy maternity leave. I was not sure how I was going to handle going back to work, but overall I knew reality was coming whether I liked it or not. I was nervous, scared, and upset because I knew I had to go back in order to help support our family. I wanted to spend my time at home watching our son grow. I wasn’t certain what going back to work was going to be like. I knew I was going to miss being around him all day, and I wasn’t sure if daycare was going to be a good fit for him. Would they hold him the way I do? Or give him the attention I know he craves, or rub his back when he falls asleep? I had to trust someone with our son and a part of that scared me.
It wasn’t until I dropped him off to daycare for the first day that I realized this was it…I had to trust someone. When he came home from his first day of daycare he was exhausted and for the first time I was able to get some work done. It’s been a while since I had the chance to write, listen to podcast, or do anything pertaining to my personal goals. Turns out daycare has been a great asset to our life. The next day our son smiled when he realized he was back at the familiar place. It put my heart at ease knowing he was happy and content with his new surroundings. I was able to get back into writing, I even got up early last week to go to the gym. For the first time in three months I felt like I had the opportunity to get back to me. That’s when I realized in order to move towards a goal we have to let some things go and put some things into place in order to put our best foot forward.
There’s a lot of joyful moments during pregnancy along with advice, criticism, and things people tell you they did while they were pregnant. I must say my pregnancy journey was not a harsh one. I did not experience morning sickness, I was able to exercise whenever I didn’t feel lazy, and I worked up until five days prior to my due date. I felt good for the most part. I had good reports from the OBGY-N and my primary doctor. Our baby shower was a success and we have yet bought a pack of wipes or a case of diapers thus far. Our son latched on immediately and I gain more breast milk to put in the freezer. Things were looking good and I felt ready to take on the journey that was ahead of me. But after a few weeks of our son’s birth, I knew I had to see a therapist. My mental state depended on it.
People told me to say goodbye to sleep but I wasn’t sure how much sleep I was going to lose. During the hospital stay, I was spoiled by the nurses, they checked up on me every hour and helped me whenever I needed rest. I healed up better than I expected and I was walking around the hospital whenever I felt the need to stretch my legs. I was ready to go home, more than ever and the car ride home was not as bad as I was told.
Our first night home was eventful, we were up all night and our wonderful Yorki thought it was a good idea to poop in the baby’s room. Our son was screaming his head off and we all were adjusting to a new life in our home. My husband stepped on the poop in route to changing our son’s diaper. I had to take control and tell him we were going to be okay, let’s take care of the baby and poop and make our way back to bed. That first night turned into many sleepless nights. I woke up delusional wondering if having a child was really in the books for me. I wanted some rest of any kind and a small part of me wanted my old life back. I was later informed that those feelings were normal and that it will get better soon but I wasn’t sure when soon was going to come. Continue reading “Why I Went To Therapy After Pregnancy”
Since March, I have been enjoying the journey of maternity leave. Prior to taking a hiatus from my job, I anticipated for day I would not have to return to work. All to know that motherhood is an excursion in itself. I’ve cried, became frustrated, and confused when it came to soothing our son whenever he cried. There were even times when I cried, however, I’ve learned to take a deep breath and work through it.
During my maternity leave I don’t have many places to go with a newborn, (especially with this unpredictable weather). After so many days of staying in the house, it started messing with my mental state. When walls look the same and your creative mind is challenged there are times when you want to throw in the towel and say forget it! I sat and watch television all day, talk on the phone about meaningless conversations, while changing diapers, nursing, and singing songs that have no meaning, (which is interesting I must say). This pattern happened consecutively and it got to a point where I became angry. I didn’t know what I want for my life and I was starting to feel like my life was chipping away. I was no longer an individual who had a dream, but a mom who had someone depending on them.
I love being a mom, and I am grateful to have a healthy baby, but sometimes I felt like that’s all I was…a mom. I believed my dreams were on the backburner and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to focus on them again. I viewed other people who were successful and became jealous. I was afraid that I would not be able to do what I wanted to do in life, as if my aspirations were taken away from me. This became scary because I thought what if I don’t do what I really wanted to do in life? This lead to frustration and confusion. One of the reasons why I felt this way was because growing up people would say, “when you have children your life is over.” Continue reading “How to Get Out Your Funky Mood”
Loneliness takes over a person’s mind and absorbs any ounce of happiness in their life.
When you are left with negative thoughts it can lead to a dangerous place. It’s only a matter of time before that ticking time bomb explodes. Sadly, a lot of people keep their thoughts to themselves. I mean I get it, you don’t know who to trust, and most of all you don’t want your business out there for someone else to gossip about. I have been there and to be honest with you I still struggle with that from time to time.
2010-2011 was a rough year for me. I was hurt from a previous relationship and to top it off, I was alone. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I only went to work because I knew that was something I had to do in order to pay my bills. However, during that time conversations were meaningless and I viewed my life the same way. My friends were getting married and I all had were my feelings and my apartment. Those days drove me insane! I went to work, did my duties, and rushed home to stayed in bed. I barely ate nor did I care if I had anything to eat.
When I relocated to another state I didn’t realize the importance of family. I was always around them and it’s true you don’t miss something until its gone. Well not quite gone but you catch the drift. I was 3 1/2 hours away from home and a phone call was not always good enough. One time I managed to go home but I had to drive back to Maryland Christmas night because I worked the next day. The weather was horrible and I refused to travel alone on a holiday again. With that being said holidays were a drag and the following Christmas I didn’t do anything. Despite living in a new town and being distant with family and friends I had to find happiness within myself, but during that time I didn’t know how.
10 Surprising Benefits You’ll Get From Keeping a Journal -Thai Nguyen
Continue reading “How Journaling Saved My Life”
On your way to work, you may listen to your favorite artist or radio show host. You might read a book by your most liked author, or watch a movie that has your best-loved actress in it. To some fans, it seems like celebrities are an overnight success, but that’s far from the truth. In order for them to get where they are, they had to be consistent, motivated, and most importantly they had to have grit!
I recently watched The Real and Ava DuVernay was a guest on the show. She is a successful film director and created the hit show Queen Sugar. She also directed a movie that was recently released called A Wrinkle in Time, she is one of the most talked directors of 2018. As I was listening to her story she stated something that stood out like a sore thumb and that was this: it’s never too late to start something new. She did not pick up a camera until she was in her early thirties. This gave me hope. As adults, we put a time frame on when we should be successful and if we don’t make it by that time we think we are screwed. Thankfully that thought is a total lie. Continue reading “How Do You Find Your Grit?”