October 27th marks two months since I said I do to Troy. It’s been great and there are a lot of things I paid attention to in a matter of two months. Prior to getting married people gave us advice. We even attended marriage counseling with our church, it opened our eyes and made us aware of ourselves. Counseling was good for us, it was important to tackle issues before we tied the knot.
Planning a wedding can be fun and costly, but it’s good to be on one accord before you walk down that aisle. Now that the wedding is over, gifts are unwrapped, and some of the wedding money is spent, I’ll share what I have learned within 60 days of being a wife.
Weight Gain: Love is in the air! What comes with love…food. Getting married is like dating all over again, it’s just now you know the person a little more and it’s not like a blind date. Don’t be surprised to step on the scale and see a higher number. That’s nothing but love weight, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s always gym memberships, Youtube, or a track nearby waiting for your company.Memory Lane: Guest will talk about your wedding. They will talk about the highlights and how much fun they had. They’ll ask about the honeymoon and probably ask when the little one is coming. Get used to hearing congratulations, and comments about the pictures that were displayed on social media. People are happy, allow them to be. Newlyweds will be the new name for a few months, so get comfortable with it. When people see newlyweds, they get happy. Allow people to be excited for you, there’s so much chaos in the world, bringing a smile to someone’s face is quite rewarding.
Communication: This is key! It’s important to have small talk, communicate about what happened during the day. Ask your husband how his day was. Shoot a text during the day, let him know you are thinking about him. My best friend told me to “make memories out of moments,” if your husband comes home every day and want to talk while you are cooking, allow that. Watch favorite shows together, talk about whatever is on your mind. A healthy relationship starts with communicating. There’s always something to talk about if you don’t want to talk about work, discuss your future plans and dreams. Bottom line COMMUNICATE!
Cooking is not always mandatory: People get caught up in being the perfect couple. Every meal is not going to be perfect. Don’t expect your spouse to like EVERYTHING you cook, and vice versa. There are some days you may not want to cook, and that’s okay. Heck, it’s normal! Who wants to cook after coming home from work? Especially if you have other obligations like schoolwork, meetings or a second job.
Don’t sweat the small stuff: Why get mad at someone you will be with forever? I was taught in marriage counseling that divorce is not an option. If he leaves the toilet seat up, forget to flush the toilet disgusting right ugh, don’t put the cap on the toothpaste, or leave dirty clothes on the floor, tell them how that makes you feel. WITHOUT GETTING UPSET. There’s a way to talk to your spouse..let’s face it, we are all adults, no matter how much their flaws makes us cringe.
Listen first talk second: When two people are talking, someone is not listening effectively. Don’t be so defensive when your spouse is telling you something they don’t like. It’s common for us to want to defend ourselves, however, God created us with two ears and one mouth for a reason. It’s important for our spouse to be heard when they bring up a concern. It’s only fair to listen to their point of view and understand where they are coming from. It’s the mature thing to do, just listen.
You don’t always have to be right: I hope you’re not surprised about this one, but it’s true. We are not walking encyclopedias. If he is right about something, learn from it and move on. There are some things he’s going to be better at and that’s okay. You and your spouse are a team. Also, remember to APOLOGIZE, we can be so stubborn when it comes to saying “I’m sorry,”. It’s not that big of a deal, and you don’t have to win every argument.
You do exist!: Getting married does not mean you hide under a rock. Some people will give you space for you and your love bug because they don’t want to be intruding. Reach out to people, call them and see how they are doing. This will break the ice, especially with girlfriends and close relatives.
“Me time” is not selfish: There’s nothing wrong with having space. It’s actually healthy. It’s important that he watches his favorite shows, wind down with his favorite drink, and relax. We have our favorite shows, books to read, and wine to drink, and there are times when WE don’t want to be bothered. So…be considered of his space.
Intimacy: Now you are able to be physically intimate! Congrats. This isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is vital. Showing intimacy is important, whether it’s in the bedroom doing adult things. Cuddling up in the living room, holding hands in public, or greeting each other with a kiss. Don’t be afraid to express your love to your spouse. This is the person you will be intimate with for a long time…so you mind as well get used to it and become comfortable.
Community Convo: How long have you been married to your spouse? What advice do you have for people who are engaged or planning to get married? Let’s start a conversation!