Make Love Not War

Thanksgiving is a few days away and we all want to see our family and friends. This can become quite difficult when you are in a relationship.img_3634 Your husband may want to spend time with his family, or your boyfriend prefers to stay home and cook dinner.  Either way, our family is important and during the holidays it’s common to want to spend with them.

Where to spend the holidays is one of the leading arguments in a relationship. It’s an argument because you may not have discussed with your husband previously how you expect to spend the holidays. You might like your mama’s mac and cheese, while your husband destains dealing with your Uncle Pete’s corny jokes. It’s imperative to remain happy in our own home. There is no sense of arguing about where to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years for that matter. That is why it is MANDATORY to plan ahead and figure out what your household is doing for the holidays.

Some of us can be stubborn and want to do our own thing. If it’s not a mutual agreement to do your own thing, it can lead to unnecessary drama between the two of you. When unwanted conflict happens attitudes lingers, which leads to additional arguments or negative feelings towards each other. Trust and believe something this small can erupt into a major issue. It’s not fair to for a couple to visit one side of the family and not the other. It’s also not fair to travel all the time and not stay home one holiday to satisfy your spouse. Marriage is a give and take, between a married couple (no one else) if family members can’t understand why you are not traveling this year, that’s their problem to figure out. I am sure my veteran couples can agree.

So where do you start? Well…if you have family in the same area it is easy to host a holiday event at your home. That way you can see your uncles and his aunties all under the same roof without anyone feeling left out. If hosting is not ideal for your household, plan to take turns visiting families each holiday. For instance, you and your spouse can agree to go to one family’s house for Thanksgiving, and another family’s house for Christmas, and then next year switch. Throughout the season there are a lot of holiday parties families have that are not on Christmas or Thanksgiving. I just learned about Friendsgiving (I know I am so late). Plan to attend one if someone on the other side of the family is hosting it. While you are at other events engage in what’s going on, play a few games and spend time with your loved ones. Enjoy yourself and the moments because we never know when the last time will be the last time. 

Rules to Friendsgiving! 

It’s only fair to spend time with each other’s family because they are equally important to both of you. Don’t get into a power struggle when you are in a relationship. Remember you are not fighting with your spouse, you guys are a team, and if one person is not happy, you both are losing. This becomes extremely significant when children are involved, parents want their children to spend time with their cousins and get acquainted with everyone in the family.

None the less WE ARE ALL FAMILY! Whether you like it or not smile. Grandma’s want to see their grandbabies, and aunties want to see their nieces at least I know mines do! Do what is fair this holiday season so that everyone gets a chance to enjoy your company. Remember it’s important to make love and not war.

-Jamie Rockymore-Bess

Community Convo: What favorite dish do you like to make for Thanksgiving? What is your advice on visiting family?

6 thoughts on “Make Love Not War”

  1. During the holidays are the best time I just let stuff go. If I was mad forget about it. Family and friends are great , – lot of people do not have those anymore. I feel blessed.

    1. So true thank you for your response. It’s truly a blessing to have family and friends around especially during the holidays.

  2. Well, I don’t cook! So my favorite dish to EAT on thanksgiving is my grandmother’s homemade oyster stuffing. My advice on visiting family is to maybe go to one person’s family dinner for a couple of hours and then go to the other person’s family dinner. That way both parties get a chance to see and spend time with their family. Family members of the couple should also be understanding of this and support the couple and realize that they have to make compromises.

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